It’s going to be a happy new year

I haven’t written in ages. For this I apologize. No reason really, just laziness and a bit of a lack of any inspiration. It’s New Year’s Eve, I’m at work, and by some miracle the firewall on our internet is allowing me onto facebook and the blog….and since I don’t plan to do a scrap of work today here I am!

It’s been a funny year, so much has happened and yet so little. Nothing life-changing or major, but little shifts and changes in my perspective on, well, everything. So I suppose I haven’t wasted it entirely. Next year will be better though, I’m not sure how exactly but it will. This year has been about moving to London, establishing a life here, but next year will be about making changes, finding security, ooh and exploring more. This is what I intend to do, starting from tomorrow.

It’s exciting, it’s a new start. I had everything planned up until the end of this year (I have to stop doing this), so as of tomorrow I am free. No plans, no ties, no nothing.

Here’s to a Happy New Year!

A bad attitude

I wish I wasn’t so sensitive, I have this habit of letting opinions of irrelevant people get to me and turn me into a blubbering mess. Last night was a prime example of this, a taxi driver, YES a taxi driver, made me cry. Granted I was slightly tipsy (well it was a Saturday night), but still a pretty sad state of affairs. He was such a grumpy and beliggerent arse hole, he had the worst road rage I’ve ever seen (even worse than me!) and was so rude. When I got out of the cab and gave him 22 pounds for the journey, which cost £20.20 I waited for my change, which just pushed him over the edge, he went mental! He told me I was an ungrateful bitch for not wanting to leave him a tip!!! Sorry, aren’t you meant to give tips for good service??!?! He said he’d just done me a massive favour (even though it’s his job and I’ve just paid him a ridiculous amount of money for it!).He was horribly abusive and I was just shocked by it, I’m not used to people speaking to me like that and I got really upset. I told him he had a bad attitude and to get lost. OK, I may have inserted a few choice swear words. I wish I had got his reg number, I would have written a strongly worded letter of complaint……

On a freezing cold night

There is nothing more comforting than the warmth of someone next to you as you’re lying in bed on a freezing night. This is precisely the reason I let it happen with MF last night. Well, nothing happened as such, but I didn’t make him get out. I let him lie there next to me, I let him massage my bad shoulder and cuddle me, and then I let him drive me to work on the back of his bike. Maybe I am a bad person for doing this, but I was cold and I am lonely.

After dinner last night I had an ice cream craving (well, Ben and Jerry’s cherry garcia if you must know) and so we bundled into the iced up car and drove to the shop to satisfy it. I then let myself be convinced that parking up by Primrose hill and trekking to the top to see the view was a great idea. Actually, it was lovely. This is the kind of thing I used to make my ex boyfriend do with me, I was the fun one and I thought he was boring. Now I am the boring one, he’s not my boyfriend, but I have become boring. I need someone in my life who gives me back that spark. The spark that makes me want to do crazy things at crazy times of the night. I wish I could have feelings for MF, I know that he would do anything for me, I can feel it, but I know that I never will.

Feeling sorry for myself, again

I’m having one of my lonely, feeling sorry for myself days. I’ve not been at work as I feel like death. Terrible cold, achy muscles, glands up, the whole works. I’ve not had any human interaction at all today, apart from the man that helped me in homebase buying my Christmas tree. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have gone out, but I was bored and thought putting up the tree would cheer me up, which it did, momentarily.

I had my third interview yesterday. I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it too much but I think it was OK. I did my ’strong visual research’, I even bound it, I think I deserve the job just for the binding! It looked very professional, even if I do say so myself. This time I’m not resting everything on it though, I’ve been through the rejection before, I can take it again and if I don’t get it, it’ll still be OK, work has improved and I wouldn’t be devastated if I have to stay there. Honestly. Either way it’ll be OK.

I’ve not written for a while. I feel like there’s nothing to write about really, nothing’s happened, I feel totally drained. Not really sad, just like there’s nothing of interest going on in my head, and therefore nothing to write about. So there you go. I might drive to my parents, I need someone to look after me.