An interesting evening, involving me having a lap dance….

Last night some crazy shit went down. What started out as a very civilised evening at the theatre, by 11 o’clock had swiftly descended into, well, something particularly un-civilised. If I were to say it involved a seedy strip club, vile wine and culminated with me being forced into having a lap dance from two strippers, you would just about get the gist of my evening. The lap dance was definitely not my idea, but I was with a group of five guys who had spent the evening drinking, I really didn’t have much of a choice! Plus, I’m trying to be open to new experiences these days…..it’s a story to tell, that’s how I was thinking of it. The girls really didn’t hold back, there was NOTHING left to the imagination, which was a bit of a shock to say the least, but I went along with it. The bits that weren’t left to the imagination were practically thrusted in my face too. I can honestly say though that I wasn’t in the least bit turned on by the whole experience. However, I felt I bonded with the girls though, having seen the parts of them that I saw………they told me I could get a job there easily, which I suppose was a compliment. I can’t say I didn’t consider it for a few seconds; the extra cash would definitely come in handy!

I also got asked out last night by a guy I met, he was a friend of a friend who works as an investment banker, and had been sent to pick me up from the tube station, I’m not too sure why. MF probably couldn’t tear himself away from the place. We clicked straight away and I felt really comfortable around him from the second we met, five minutes later he said to me ‘You’re really lovely, you know,’ that was nice. As we were walking to the club he told me I was in for a bit of a shock and he wasn’t exaggerating! Standing by the bar, waiting for drinks, he said to me ‘Well it’ll be a story to tell when people ask us how we first met.’ Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr OK. How very presumptuous I thought! We had only met about 15 minutes before! It would have been great, only I don’t think I fancy him. Standard procedure there then.

I’m getting bored of this. I may go out with him anyway though, do what I always do. I’ll go on one date knowing that nothing will come of it. I normally know right from the start if I am going to fancy someone, but I always say to myself I should give it a chance and get to know them first before I write them off. I hate being made to feel like things are expected of me. I’ve been on so many first dates where guys have tried to hold my hand, tried to kiss me, and told me that I am beautiful across the table. I am worried about sounding conceited here, but that’s the honest truth and it makes me uncomfortable that I don’t feel the same way. Spending the evening with someone who’s obviously very keen makes me uneasy. It’s funny how I was totally chilled out having a lap dance from two strippers last night who were writhing around in front of me stark naked, but the moment I have to deal with this sort of situation I don’t know what to do. I find it very easy to be funny, relaxed and good company when I don’t have any romantic feelings for someone, which obviously where things have gone wrong with G.  What normally happens after the date is that they text to say they had a great time, I reply a while later thanking them for the evening, knowing full well that I have no intention of seeing them again. They ask me out again, I act all non-committal, they tell me I am difficult to work out, and then contact gradually fizzles. It’s always the same. I must admit to enjoying the flattery and attention though, it’s the boost I need once in a while.

Last time I went on a first date I received this afterwards ‘Thanks for a lovely evening. You’re beautiful and great company and I really regret not kissing you goodbye but when I started looking for the opportunity I felt there wasn’t enough time to give you a kiss that did you justice. Hopefully you’ll let me make it up to you in the near future?! Xx’. It’s just too much! I can gauge when a guy fancies me, and wants to kiss me, why can’t they do the same?

Hello Tangent!

I got totally sidetracked there, back to last night. Before the evening descended into complete debauchery I was at the theatre with an old friend watching ‘All about my mother’ which is in it’s last week at the Old Vic. It was very moving, in some of the scenes the emotion was so raw and real it made me well up. Here’s a line from the play that really got me thinking,

‘You are more authentic the more you resemble what you have dreamed of being.’

 The fact that it came from a transvestite whore who was referring to the amount of plastic surgery she has had is just superfluous, I thought……..